ahh yes more laughs

Ok so I lied when I said that that my previous post today was all I was posting.
Someone emailed me these pics at work a little while ago.

The email was titled 'Why English Teachers are Needed So Urgently In Japan!

Sydney Here I Come

Well today is the day............FINALLY *clears throat *Sings; All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go.......................'

Just gotta make it through a few hours of work, (managed to scam a few hours off with pay!! OH YEA!!)
Picard is at the Parentals, took her up there Thursday night, little bugger was havin so much fun teasin Carlo, (well more like flashin her butt at him) that she did not notice that I had left! Which is good I suppose, less stress for her. When I got home the house was sooo empty with Picard gone. *sigh not little chirps, no loud, "mummy you're home let me out NOW' squawks.

Well that is about it for today, and the weekend, you'll have to wait till tuesday to get the details and pics etc. Hope you all have a good weekend.

- Melody

Funny, Funny, Ha, Ha

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beingsare the only animals that stutter", she says. A little girl raises her hand.

"I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she volunteered. The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

"Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the rottweiler who lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!""That must've been scary", said the teacher.

"It sure was", said the little girl. "My kitty went 'Fffff, Fffff,Fffff'... and before he could say "Fuck," the rottweiler ate him!"

How to save the Airlines

This was sent to me at work today;

HOW TO SAVE THE AIRLINES

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.
Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell -- They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss? The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a "party atmosphere" going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kickback 20% of the tips, including lap dances and "special services."

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.

This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.Why didn't Bush think of this?! Why do I still have to do everything
myself?

Sincerely,

Danny Johnson



Oh and before you all ask, I have no idea who Danny Johnson is.

- Melody

Well what do ya know......I have Talent

God I am good at what I do!

I got this pic printed professionaly and is also going to be framed professionaly.

This time next week, I'll be buggin Greg at work, sayin 'Is it time to go to Sydney yet?' 'Can I leave now?' etc.

Today is a short day at work, I am helping Spanky Pants move. Should prove to be interesting seeing as how it's blowing a gale and raining.

There is not alot planned for this weekend. Dinner at the Parentals for Dad's and Brother's birthdays. And that is about it. Told you I had not alot on.

- Melody

Widdle Quackers

You Suck

You scored as Akasha. You are the ultimate in ambition. You don't just want to own the world you want to make crawl to you on its hands and knees begging for mercy or at the least a taste!

http://quizfarm.com

HP Printers, God among all Printers

So about this time in two weeks , I'll be going insane waiting to get to the airport cos I am going to Sydney!! Yuppers thats right, I am haulin my booty over to Sydney to see Adrian.

(little quote here for Spanky, 'we're going to the zoo, we're going to the zoo, where am I? we're going to the zoo') But there is most definatly no cheese cake in the trunk :P

HP Printers, print almost anything!!



Yes peoples it a ferret trying to get into the printer, not sure if he knows that things only come out of it!!

The zoo has Penguins and Lions and tigers and bears oh my. And Jaffies, they gots Jaffies!!

(we're going to the zoo, we're going to the zoo!!)

- Melody

My Spleen

Ok I found this rather amusing, so much so I laughed so hard I hurt my squiggly spooge :P

http://funnyjunk.com/pages/backstreet.htm/

Oh and this;
Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...

- On Sears hairdryer:Do not use while sleeping.(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
- On a bag of Fritos:You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.(The shoplifter special!)
- On a bar of Dial soap:Directions: Use like regular soap.(and that would be how?)
- On some Swann frozen dinners:Serving suggestion: Defrost.(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)
- On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)Do not turn upside down.(Too late! you lose!)
- On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:Product will be hot after heating.(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
- On packaging for a Rowenta iron:Do not iron clothes on body.(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)
- On Boot's Children's cough medicine:Do not drive car or operate machinery.(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
- On Nytol sleep aid:Warning: may cause drowsiness.(One would hope!)
- On a Korean kitchen knife:Warning: keep out of children.(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)
- On a string of Christmas lights:For indoor or outdoor use only.(As opposed to use in outer space.)
- On a food processor:Not to be used for the other use.(Now I'm curious.)
- On Sainsbury's peanuts:Warning: contains nuts.(but no peas?)
- On an American Airlines packet of nuts:Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)
- On a Swedish chainsaw:Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)
- On a child's Superman costume:Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Stoopid people should be steralized and prohibited to breed.

Let's go shopping

Monty and Carlo

Monty and Carlo decide what to buy when they go shopping.

Got a joke for ya

So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor - I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for 5 minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's fowl mouth is driving him crazy.One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!". But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you!" and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.

This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.
For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets_very_quiet.At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's out-stretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on.".The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, pardon me for asking, but what did the chicken do?".

Who wants a Roll?

So after recovering from a nasty dose of food poisoning (which we think was caused by the TUNA, so alas there will now no longer be room making for the tuna) which resulted in two days off work and 4 seasons of Will and Grace to pass the time, things are back to normal. What ever the hell normaml is. And all traces of TUNA have been removed from the house. At this point cup cakes and Tacos are still fine.

When I grows up I wanna be just like Karen from Will and Grace. I am already a portion of the way there with my unnatural love of all things vodka, short skirts, attitude and boobs!!

Penis Roll anyone?

Like Banjos and Bakers Delight have/make/sell rolls like this :P

So my weekend was rather uneventfull. Though hearing about Joel's (we shall call it intersting) comings and goings for the weekend passed were amusing and quite entertaining. Lets see, he lost his mobile phone, but not before sending out random sms to people, including one number that he did not recognise. He asked Adrian to call this mysterious number but alas his phone was not up to the challenge. Then Joel asked me to call the number, which I did (mainly cos I wanted the first hand knowledge of who the hell it was) so dial I did. And wouldn't you know it, I asked for Sarah and got JOEY!!!! yes the ever loveable, bouncey highy chirpy and cheery Joselle. (you big girl Joel)

Adrian will be here on Wednesday!! Yes people I gets a whole 4 days of Sailor action this week!! There will be the usual happenings, drinking, dancin, friends, dinner, drinking, err drinking, did I mention drinking?

Picard had a rather eventful weekend; she would take sunflower seeds from her food cup at one end of her cage, and run (sorry waddle) with it to the other side of the cage and offer it to the little bird in the mirror. But when this little bird did not accept her gracious offering she dropped the seed and attacked the other bird for refusing her offer. Now this happend a few time to the extend that when I walked past the cage there was a little pile of sunflower seeds under the mirror and a very discruntled Picard wantin some lovin!! poor little buggar was very upset and had to be consoled by me with scritches and kisses.

There is the possiability of another update tomorrow, depends on if the world ends or not.

- Melody

*Insert funny Title here*

My weekend,

Friday
Adrian arrives

Saturday
Dinner at DaVincies was really, really yummy :)
Whilst at dinner the comment of 'Cascade Blonde, goes down well like all good Blondes' was made (Adrian was drinking Cascade Blonde, hence the comment!)
Me thinks that should be the new Cascade Slogan for marketing the beer!!

Sunday
Adrian Leaves
Go to dinner at Parentals for Fathers Day

That was my weekend, now obviously there is way more information but I have left that out, I dont want you sods knowing everything I do!! :P

- Melody

Cute Widdle Piggy

IT'S FRIDAY!!!
9 Hours till Adrian arrives :) *runs around the room Naked :P


- I feel like the widdle duck when people park in my spot at work....................




So incase you were a wondering what the hell this little cartoon is, It's called.................
'Pearls before Swine'
and if you had not already guessed I am quite taken with the widdle animals and their antics.

*goes to look on ebay and amazon for the books*